East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
