Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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