my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
