so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
