i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
