dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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