So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
