Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
