Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
