I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
