and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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