wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
