I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize