On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it because I queefed?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
