if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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