Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
