I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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