they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
