I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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