What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
