yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
