just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
