I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
