Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
not ubering you a puppy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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