Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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