I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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