The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
