I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
