I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
