Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
