Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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