I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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