First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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