mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
cat food counts as protein by the way
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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