I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize