just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So many bounce houses so little time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize