This is not my ceiling
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
