Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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