$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
