kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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