Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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