hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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