I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
this is an emotional support booty call
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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