Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
