Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
