maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
