I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
