Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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