I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize