Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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