Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize