toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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