yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
