Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
