That's intense
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize