How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
