Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
