In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize