Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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