Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
