is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
