you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
